Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
