apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
