just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
