Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
