I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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