nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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