They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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