So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
