Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize