I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
