When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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