so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
