Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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