...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
