Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
