Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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