The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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