Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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