I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
