I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
