dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
