just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
