fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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