He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
