i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
