Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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