your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it was like eating out sand paper
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
