You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
