I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
