look no pants
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
