'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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