Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She bit a glass in half.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
we're so committed to being not committed
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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