I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
