You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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