Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
