I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
