Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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