do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
