it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Randomize
