does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
