Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
