Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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