I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
