Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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