i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
