So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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