i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
