i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
