I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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