i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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