Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
