He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
