sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
