how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
