Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize