I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
