just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.