I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
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i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
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We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?