I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
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Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
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He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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