Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative