11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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