I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
