I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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