Apparently you make a good broom.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
