i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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