he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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