He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
