she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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